I Have Great Potential To Be An A-Hole

I realized today, move vividly than before, that I have the A-Hole factor.  What is the “A-Hole” factor, you may ask?  Well, it’s the potential in all of us to become the A-Hole our most primeval, blah, part of the brain wants us to be.  It’s the part of the mind that jumps to conclusions, passes judgement without information, and all in all is a total  A-Hole.  I have – like many of you out that – the potential for A-Holiness.  Thankfully, as those close to me know, I have a billion, non A-Hole factors in my brain that attack the A-Hole response with vengeance and promptly makes me feel bad about even allowing the A-Hole thought to appear.

What brings on the clear vision of the A-Hole I could be?  Wal-Mart.  The answer is Wal-Mart.  The answer is ALWAYS Wal-Mart……

Today was a big day.  Gardening, cleaning, preparing to be wowed by the return of Doctor Who (which was – WOW!) were all in the lineup and things went along swimmingly (strange word, but I like it), until the third – yes, third – trip to Wally World.  I had been to the local mall hoping to find what I was looking for and I didn’t.  I then decided to hit Wal-Mart just in case they had the objects in question.  Apparently several others that I saw at the mall had the same idea because I saw many of the same faces while walking around the floral section.  This is where the A-Hole factor presented itself and caused the rest of my brain to make me feel like a jerk.

I saw all these families and couldn’t help but think: why them and not me?  A-Holy right?!  I know!  I never, NEVER,  think that about he couples and families I know personally, it’s just people I don’t know.  For the couples/families I know, I couldn’t be more happy for them.  They belong together and it is right that they are together.  They make sense to me, those wonderful friends like family.  These other couple/families, occasionally DO NOT make sense and thus enters the A-Hole potential.

With regard to the people I don’t know, sometimes – not always – my brain just can’t process it and all I can relate it to is myself and what I perceive as my failure in a long-term relationship.  Maybe that’s not the right way to put it, but that’s what it is in a very big sense: a failure.  They make me want to know in more detail why I failed and that part of me just doesn’t like the question.

I don’t act on the A-Hole factor response.  As quickly as it comes, I smash it down and say “no, bad brain!” and go on about my day.  It just seemed important to recognize that while I – and I’m sure many others – have the great potential for A-Holedom, I don’t act on it often.  At least I try not to.



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