Feeling Froggy? Jump!

It’s been a while – A WHILE – since I’ve been on a date.  There were about four adventures out into the single people getting to know you…kinda….nights, but I wasn’t ready.  I thought I was, but I wasn’t.  Anyways, after the last “date” (I don’t classify them as dates because they didn’t feel like dates…make sense? Probably not…anyways), I decided not to actively try for a while.  I could go on about how I recognized the need to work on me, but, at the end of the day, I didn’t want to deal the awkward hassle that I envisioned occurring.

‘Cause, that’s MY luck.

This isn’t a problem I believe is limited to me: seeing the worst case scenario and avoiding the situation just in case.  For various reasons, I think that many intelligent, funny, all around awesome people sell themselves short because they have been hurt.  In many cases, it seems that the more experience (I.e. older), the easier it is to talk yourself out of the chance to meet someone BECAUSE you’ve dealt with the mess and have declared it not worth it.  Now, this isn’t the case for everyone, (duh!) and it may be stating the obvious, but hurt requires healing and most people don’t repeat actions that cause pain. 

Until enough time has passed that you forget how the knee-displacement felt of course.

For quite some time, when I thought on the end of my 7 year (good Thor, 7 YEARS!! Loki, please!) relationship, I would be angry…and rightfully so.  My prime years, the years when I could have met someone who actually wanted to be with me, get married, start a family, were…..
And this is where the anger would change, each and every time I would allow it to creep up (yeah, I’d OCCASIONALLY allow myself to wallow in a little self-pity….don’t judge).
“Wasted” is the wrong word.  Those years weren’t wasted, they were vital.  Without the relationship, I wouldn’t have met some amazing people, do some ridiculous things, and, most importantly, I wouldn’t have grown the same way as a person.  I needed that experience to know what I do want in a relationship – just like bombing as an engineering student led me to teaching.  This doesn’t mean I have it all figured out (not by any means!), but I have I better idea.

Still, even though I can recognize that the bad ending doesn’t take away from the wonderful, obviously more lasting, aspects of that time, that knowledge doesn’t make jumping back into the dating pool any easier.  It should, but it doesn’t.  The bad relationship is like a belly flop off the high dive; no matter how much you enjoy jumping into the deep end, you’re going to sit out a few minutes, possibly even stay underwater, until the sting fades.

Fast forward many moons, and here I am, watching Comic Book Men (one of my favorite shows!!), excited about the possibility of meeting someone.  I’ve been fortunate enough to re-connect with college friends that I would love to see outside of the cyberworld, friends are pulling new people into our sphere – the possibilities are as limited as I make them!  At least, that’s how I’m starting to feel about it all….now….

This rambling, self-exploring, writing is intended to encourage all of us walking wounded to get back out there.  Take it slow, don’t get too discouraged, allow yourself the moment (every now and then) to be upset, and then move on.  Enjoy time with friends, with new people, and if it feels right….if you’ve forgotten how much the sting hurt…go on and give it – whatever it is – a shot.

I am!

image

(The extended family L-R: me, my bro-ness, Brandi, and my other bro-ness, Ramin)

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. cryptotox
    Dec 07, 2013 @ 10:40:37

    I love that pic, more than anything right now. Cowabunga, my friend. Cowabunga.

    Reply

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