Just….Just Let Me Wallow For 5 Minutes

I hate feeling like such a drag.  It’s not like I’m not used to being a third wheel, or the single friend to a group of couples.  They are my friends!  I love being around them and sharing jokes and good times.  Doesn’t make you any less the odd man out.  Last night was a blast!  Rang in the NewYyear with great people, saw a fantastic – impromptu – firework show, talked to a friend about life and Doctor Who, had dinner with my uncle/best friend (yeah, he’s my best friend – what of it?!) – what more could I possibly ask for?!

I feel like I’m being greedy and that I’m asking for too much.  Is it possible to be happy with/for those around you, and still have a desire for something more?  I believe so.  I’m not unhappy….maybe a little disappointed.  But I shouldn’t be!  I had wonderful people wish me a Happy New Year.  They took time from their day to say it.  Their small action, made my night!

So, why did I wake up a little bummed?!  Why can’t I just not think about it?!  Why am I insistent on writing about this anyways?! 

I just know I’m not the only one out there and it helps me to share.  That’s why I write at all: to share.  Good, bad, ridiculous – it’s nice knowing you aren’t alone. 

This morning, though, I just feel lonely.  Maybe I’m just disappointed?  Maybe I’m just cold and want to snuggle?  (You miss snuggling on bitter cold mornings.)  Maybe it’s still early in the day and I haven’t quite woken up after a long night?  I have no doubt that it is a combination of things.

So, let me have these 5 minutes to be in a slight funk.  Let me have a slight pause to wish that people were closer and that things would be different.  Let me have a moment to dream teleportation was a real thing, and that with a flash I could be from where I live to where opportunities exist.  Just let me wallow, because the sooner it happens, the sooner it’ll pass.  I’ll talk myself back to what is there vs. what is missing and I’ll feel silly that I felt poorly at all.  Just give me those 5 minutes to be more human than I like to admit I am and be more selfish than I like.

Now that that is over….

Thank you, for giving me those 5 minutes and not judging me as a horrible or jealous person because I am not those things.  It’s a little sad that I, or others, will feel bad about having a natural feeling.  I mean, who doesn’t want to be wanted or loved in some form or fashion?! 

Still……

I’ll be an honorary aunt for the fifth time over and I cannot wait!  I get to see (or maybe the words are “know that there is”) love daily between wonderful people, and that is inspiring.  Seeing it work for others – that patience pays off – makes me want to find “it” and put that repaired heart of mine back out there. 

Again, thank you for listening.  Thank you for not judging me too harshly.  Most importantly, thank you for seeing me though my 5 minute wallow.

Now, let’s get moving and hang that giant Star Wars poster up in the garage. Oh, I’ve got an exercise game to play as well….then Lego Marvel Superheroes…. still got to vacuum…. and do dishes…and wash clothes…. see the family….

Who has time to worry about the other stuff?! Besides, it tends to work out the way it ought to anyways.

(Thank you…. thank you so very much.)

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