33 Years

I am now embarking on my 33rd year on this great blue marble we call Earth. During that time, I have made friends, lost loved ones, traveled, worked on my education, entered adulthood, been engaged – became unengaged, failed, found success, made a small difference (more good than bad), randomly met Chris Hardwick – yes, he is amazing! and, overall, have had a pretty good run.

This last week celebrating the big 3-3, I have realized that while there are, as always, things I need to work on it is easier to acknowledge that I’m more like how I want to be than not.

What did I do this week that helped with this realization that I’m not that off track? I traveled to Gallifrey One, I met an interesting man on the flight back, my students have showed an interest and willingness to work on our projects (they are retaining information!!), my family and friends have made me feel loved without really trying, and that’s just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

Don’t misunderstand. It’s not like one week happened, I opened my eyes today and realized, “It’s all going to be fine.” This has been two years in development. It just so happens that birthdays beg for reflection. The passing of one year to the next, and all the events that happened between then and now deserve to be reviewed, if only for the sake of remembrance. You can’t move forward without looking back…just don’t stay there.

So, yeah, it’s not all been roses and birthday pancakes, but it’s been a long time since I’ve walked around consistently feeling like myself. Now, “myself” is still concerned that I’ll never be on the same page as the opposite sex (that when I’m interested, they aren’t and vise versa), that my awkwardness throws too many people off, that the good ones are taken and that my fate is….my fate is…set?
My fate is not set, though, even if there are moments when I feel that way. The more I find myself, the more positive I am that it, the BIG “it,” will be fine.
Things work out the way they need to – at least it seems that way. Maybe that’s just the hopeful longing of naïveté?

If so, I’ll take it.

So, today I sit enjoying my collection of Doctor Who stories, waiting on my brother to share the last piece of my birthday week – birthday pancakes. I have no idea if the nice guy from the plane will call, but I hope he may. I will fight the urge to send him texts because I don’t want to seem pushy. I know I will probably fail at this because I’m just naturally curious and like to ask questions. I will show pictures from my trip to Gallifrey One, to those who ask, and make jokes that I was one more encounter away from running away with Paul McGann (seriously, if you don’t know who he is or have seen him as “I”, you are missing out…also, I would run wherever he asked…just FYI).

I will enjoy time with family and friends and know that, at the end of the day, I’m just me. Good, bad, somewhere in between, I am just plain ol’ me.

I’m okay with that.

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