Why You Should Listen To The Kinks Preservation Act 2

“In a world full of jive, full of homicide, and suicide there’s no room for love and romance.”

Let that sink in for a second. That line is the opening lyric to Oh Where Is Love from the album Preservation Act 2. The follow up to Preservation Act 1 is an album that strangely mirrors a world nearly 40 years older than the one for which the album was written. Maybe its just that corruption, poverty, the want of power over the masses never truly goes away? Maybe those concepts are those that one doesn’t truly see until they are old enough to understand the way the world works?


Really, It’s Okay

*random poem of sorts*

You really don’t have to pretend
The pleasantries, the promises
They aren’t needed
You don’t believe me
You’ll promise to call
You say you still care
It’s okay
You don’t
Life moves us along
People change
I’ll still check in
I’ll still reach out
If you don’t reach back
Well, that’s your call
I will walk my way
With my hand open
Just in case you pass by again

I really should be packing…..

…..but obviously, I’m not!

Well, I have been – off and on at any rate.  In the process of packing, I have discovered that my initial “oh, I’ll just grab my things – no big deal” was way, WAY, off.  You don’t realize what you accumulate over the course of nearly 5 years of living in a space.  I have a lot of stuff, and a lot of things that I held on to but can’t for the life of me think of why.  Posters, stuffed animals, globes with the former USSR – those are all things that go with me, but other things – shared books, chairs, electronics….that is where I get confused and more sad.  Still, there is a light at the end of this tunnel and I will get there eventually on my hot pink scooter that my mom is trying really hard to be okay with (thank you Mom!).

Potent Pink – I dig it!


A Plan for a “New” Me at 31

I’m sure in the grand, wide, world I am not the only person who has wanted, at times, to be different from who they are.  It’s taken some 30 odd years, but I have come to realize that I can’t change who I am at the core of it all.   I like to believe that I’m better at controlling the aspects of my personality that aren’t the most pleasant: the unnecessary worry, the belief that holding all of it in is the best idea, the over thinking, you know, that kind of thing.  Overall, I don’t feel I’m a bad person.  I care about others, I feel guilt when I know I’m in the wrong, I do the best I can at work and if others call upon me, I’m honest…and hopefully I have other good qualities – I like to believe that anyways.  Now, I’m not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be.  What I don’t understand, and what I don’t have control over, is why I’m not wanted?

I'd rather draw myself as a robot. I don't know why. Maybe it's easier? Probably because I've only drawn myself well once - every other time....ehhhh?

Almost a year ago, I thought I’d be picking a wedding date and planning for a future that I thought I’d be a part of by now.  Well, I didn’t pick a wedding date and my future is something that, for the first time in a long time, I’m not even vaguely sure of.  Where I’ll be in my relationship in 4 months, what I’ll do be doing in 6 months – no idea.  I know where I’ll be, but I don’t know what that means for anything else.  No wonder I’m not feeling too great – but I’m trying not to be overwhelmed by it (one of those personality traits I’m better at controlling now).  I need a focus.  I need something that is for me, to help me feel better about myself, because right now, I’m not feeling too hot.  So, what can I do you ask?  Well, I can’t control how someone else feels, and I wouldn’t want to.  But I can control me – and I’m starting by controlling my body image.

Please don’t think that I’m running down a dark path here with my weight.  I feel pretty good about it – most of the time.  Prior to basketball season (I help coach our middle school boy’s team – 6th grade is my team in particular), I had joined Curves and was going to the university gym with my friend Jinny on a regular basis.  Ball season hit and WHAM! no time for anything, and what time I had went to school.  Now that it’s over, and with help from friends like Jinny and Michelle, I’m getting back on track to lose the weight I need to.  I’m roughly 40lbs heavier than I need to be for my height.  I don’t feel I eat too poorly, but I don’t too well either (sometimes).  Being alone most of the time, it is easier to just go grab something than to eat at home.  Not any more!  I eat at the house, I work out, and we’ll see how it goes from there.

How I see myself - until I see a picture of myself from behind, then watch out!

So, three days into my new plan for a new me, I feel better.  I’m still a bit overwhelmed by the course my life is taking, but who isn’t from time to time.  We can only do what we think, and sometimes more importantly feel, is right.  I’m trying that right now.  Besides the exercise, asking Jason Segel out  (which he has yet to respond to which I hold out the belief that it’s a “maybe”) and submitting an Avenger tshirt design at WeLoveFine (which, by the way, my design was picked for the contest! check out my process here) are also a part of me getting back out into the world and out of my own head.  Ramin’s Stevie Ray Vaughn painting is soon to follow….and a print for the basketball team….and cartoons of my 6th grade players.

Looks like I have some work to do doesn’t it.  Here I go, hello “new” me, nice to see you.  You remind me of old me.

Today, Don Draper Made Me Cry

Jon Hamm as Don Draper

It’s been a crazy few weeks.  Between watching Evil Dead: The Musical (which everyone should see at some point in their life) and school, I have also been trying to re-arrange my apartment, and, in turn, my life.  It’s been a slow go, but it’s getting there.  Tomorrow I’m even planning on finishing my FF7 Highwind painting that’s been on hold for quite a while now – how’s that for progress!?  It’s been a little hard at times though, I will freely admit that.

Just as a recap, my fiancée has quit his job with the state that he had for almost a month to take a job in Pennsylvania that will keep him on the road 3-howevermany weeks at a time.  I had thought, and still hope, that this change – this alone time – will be what we need to get back on track.  You see, my fiancée doesn’t want to marry me.  I want to marry him, but he does not want to marry me.  He’s not sure if he’d like to marry anybody ever for that matter (which, by the way, does NOT make me feel any better).  Still, I am willing to try – we’ve been together almost 7 years and, for better or worse, I love him.  I love him very much and he’s a very good man – very good to me and I truly believe he wants me to be happy, just like I want that for him.  I’m just afraid that we each want the other to be happy so much that maybe we are missing “the point” (whatever that is).

But back to the story…….