What IS the “Catch”

Last night, I chose to drive from Cincinnati to Pond Creek after the Reds game (which they won, Go Reds!) – but more on that adventure in another post. Normally, I sing my guts out, but last night I did more thinking than distracting myself. Yes, folks, it was a thinking weekend, which isn’t so bad, but that’s what happens when I’m left with only me for company.
The day had started out rough due to a dream in which I was told/shown by all involved how I have missed or messed up everything. Ab-so-lute-ly everything. Breakfast and Free Comic Book day helped to reduce that nagging feeling, but it was always there, lurking under the surface.
This thought/fear of my dream being prophetic, came to the forefront as I drove the nearly empty highway along with another thought. What is my “catch” and do men worry about that?

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Before the Real World Crashes Back On Me

First off, I do understand the my profession allows me time off that a lot of other people do not get to have.  I know that.  I appreciate the time I get and try to make the most of it.

That being said: I don’t want to go to school tomorrow!

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It has nothing with not liking my job or where I work.  I love it!  I’m thankful for it.  I do my best at it.  I enjoy the challenges that working with students bring.  It’s really because I know a two day work week with children is rough.  It’s not quite long enough to get them to settle back down from their break.

It does not help that I just watched Sherlock and really, really, REALLY, want to live in England.  Right now.  Let’s go!

Okay, that is a fantasy (for this evening).  If I’m honest with myself, I am a bit torn.  While I want to be here, near my family, I also want to be where things are happening and opportunities are available.  Whether that is Lexington, Cincinnati, London, or elsewhere is beside the point.  Why can’t we have both the opportunity AND the close family ties?  

The real question is, why can’t I have all the things want?  The answer is simply, you can’t.  You can’t have everything you want, the way you want it.  You can try to find a balance, but it will come down to decisions made, time, and place.  It always comes down to those three variables.  For one reason or another, those variables seem to work out in the end – or maybe that’s just how one justifies what is happening.  I really don’t know, but I’m going to keep believing that you end up where you need to be, when you need to be there.

I have to believe that, or what is it all for anyways?!

I’ll say it again: teleportation…..or bullet trains….or both!!

Sadly, I think it will come down to having to choose between what is possible and what simply is. 

Thankfully, that choice doesn’t have to be made today.  Still, it doesn’t hurt to think about it.  Just a little bit.

Over Thinking My Doctor Who Love

One of my many thought tangents while driving dealt with the idea of multiple universes and how the changing of events in the past would create an alternate present.

Kinda like what DC and Marvel do…a bit like Doctor Who!  Maybe this fascination with the alternate timelines in my head – the possibilities of what could have been, even with what could be – is behind my love of the Doctor Who series?  Or….OR!…it’s by my love of Doctor Who that I am now thinking in more of a wibbly wobbly, timey, whimey kind of way?!

Maybe it’s just time for me to sleep?!

So much in life is dependent on time and place. Yeah, it can be argued that distance can be overcome – and I believe that is true for some – but it really is about being in the right place at the right time. For example, if I didn’t leave Belfry when I did, I wouldn’t have met some of the most important people in my life. If I wasn’t in the engineering program at UK, I wouldn’t have had Calculus with my friend Patrick. If I hadn’t taken an Art class to balance out the engineering, I wouldn’t have become an Art teacher.

It comes downs to “ifs” and that amazes me.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about “ifs” that were way beyond my control. This, in turn, has made me wonder what that version of myself would be like on Earth 2….3….where/when ever.

I don’t believe I would have gone to the same college on this alternative world. I would have gone somewhere smaller. I would have been married either before or right after college. He and I would have had a couple of kiddos by now. I think teaching would still be my career – some things just don’t change. Music would be a bigger part of my day and not just something I do on occasion. Life would be very different than what it is now. Not so much better…just different.

Trips to this alternative universe don’t occur often. They are fleeting excursions brought on by long drives and music. Weird, right?!

Music is such a link for me. I associate songs with people and events. Mostly, this is a good thing. Sometimes, it’s a bummer. I mean, when you can’t listen to “A Legal Matter” by the Who because you used it as a joke with your ex-fiancé that is a problem. Songs transport me and when faced with the Mountain Parkway on a dark, rainy, night, I’ll take it.

So, I’ll watch Doctor Who and be transported to worlds where even the Doctor can’t help everyone but every now and then, everybody lives and it is beautiful. I will get lost in the stories, relate to characters, and allow myself the rare occasion to peek at what could have been.

I won’t live in “what if.” I have a wonderful life, full of people I love and moments I would never change. Who would want to give up a night on a farm, star gazing or a night driving from Lexington to Indianapolis? Why would I want to not have a revelation that I can be a better person or that love of all types is precious?!
I wouldn’t and I guess that is my point.

Time and place….decisions made…paths taken….I am a product of all of those infinite calculations.
Earth 2 Staci, she’s so very happy but so am I.

Merry Christmas to you all – May you all be happy with your time and place!

Morning Lessons

While watching the film War Horse, I couldn’t help but think of the following quote by George Santayana:

“Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

I’m not the oddity I believe I am.  There are people out there who are similar to me in thought process, aesthetics, interests – well, you get the idea.  The fact that the movie War Horse was even made is a testament to the fact that in the great big world, there are people who are interested in, or even fascinated by, World War I – the Great War, the War to End All Wars.  Looking back, how naive could we be? More