Chasing My Moment or I Want To Always Know That It Happened

I have regrets – we all do.  We learn from them and, if we are lucky, don’t repeat them.

I, sadly, am a repeat offender.  Granted, while my offenses of being a chicken and afraid of hurting people are lessening in their severity, I am still guilty.
“Charge her with cowardice in the 3rd degree – probation with time served.” (I really need to stop watching Law and Order when I write on Sunday mornings, but dang it if the analogy works!). My rap sheet – okay, that’s the last law reference…PROMISE! – is pretty impressive.  It goes back to my teenage years when many of my peers were also in the midst of being awkward and lame.

Some of us just never really get too far from that state of strange – me being one of them.
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Self Realization via High School Football Game Time With Kiddos

Like all of my posts, this is the up-teenth time I’ve started writing.  It keeps changing with every edit, whole paragraphs of text being erased and square one becomes the starting point…AGAIN!

So, here we are….again….trying to put into words what is in my head.
There lies the problem: my head.
My mind is a runner.  It constantly goes from point A to Z and back again.  Exercise, reading, drawing – all these things help slow it down, but it doesn’t really stop.  It’s not like my attention can’t be held – I stay focused, it’s that I over think.
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Getting Unstuck and Getting Back

The last month ranged from horribly tragic and unbelievable, to the heights of exuberance and absolute joy.  In fact, it doesn’t feel like a little over a month since these series of events occurred – the passing of a dear friend/brother I claimed, the marriage of two beautiful people, the closing of a school for good, the sharing in the joy of a boy turning one, getting on a healthier path, dealing with the aftermath of two unexpected deaths. 
There were more goodbyes, a few hellos, and a lot of moments where there have been more questions than answers.  Now, I have time to process these things more and I am stuck in it. I need a push to get put and start moving again…..or do I?

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