I Used To Be Nervy…

But ice changed that.

My time as an employee of Bath County Schools was pretty amazing.  I worked with some wonderful educators, great kiddos, and made fantastic friends.  It is also a timed marred with sickness, accidents, and the downfall of my personal life…but, you know, stuff happens.
Anyhoo….

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Before the Real World Crashes Back On Me

First off, I do understand the my profession allows me time off that a lot of other people do not get to have.  I know that.  I appreciate the time I get and try to make the most of it.

That being said: I don’t want to go to school tomorrow!

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It has nothing with not liking my job or where I work.  I love it!  I’m thankful for it.  I do my best at it.  I enjoy the challenges that working with students bring.  It’s really because I know a two day work week with children is rough.  It’s not quite long enough to get them to settle back down from their break.

It does not help that I just watched Sherlock and really, really, REALLY, want to live in England.  Right now.  Let’s go!

Okay, that is a fantasy (for this evening).  If I’m honest with myself, I am a bit torn.  While I want to be here, near my family, I also want to be where things are happening and opportunities are available.  Whether that is Lexington, Cincinnati, London, or elsewhere is beside the point.  Why can’t we have both the opportunity AND the close family ties?  

The real question is, why can’t I have all the things want?  The answer is simply, you can’t.  You can’t have everything you want, the way you want it.  You can try to find a balance, but it will come down to decisions made, time, and place.  It always comes down to those three variables.  For one reason or another, those variables seem to work out in the end – or maybe that’s just how one justifies what is happening.  I really don’t know, but I’m going to keep believing that you end up where you need to be, when you need to be there.

I have to believe that, or what is it all for anyways?!

I’ll say it again: teleportation…..or bullet trains….or both!!

Sadly, I think it will come down to having to choose between what is possible and what simply is. 

Thankfully, that choice doesn’t have to be made today.  Still, it doesn’t hurt to think about it.  Just a little bit.

Flying Solo – A Spring Break Journey

It’s been about 10 months since “it” ended.  Ten months of adjustment, thinking, being a little angry, being a lot angry, not being angry as often, growing, learning, rediscovery, regaining hope, finding courage…well, you get the idea.  This event, or the course I’ve taken since “it” ended, isn’t anything special or unique – I know that – but it’s been quite a trip for me.  I’ve had great support, sometimes harsh criticism,  but at the end of the day I’ve had a lot of people just wanting me to get to a place where I am happy.  Let’s face it, people can only handle a downer to their party for so long and I had been angry, and a party pooper, for long enough.  Being happy, especially after being so wounded, is easier said than done.  While I would classify myself as a happy person, my mind does have a tendency to run rampant with doubt and fear – something that had grown in me over the last two-three years.  I decided that I don’t want that any more – that no one wants that – so here it was, spring break 2013 and I had to choose: stay home or go.  No companion, no partner, no friends, just me, the road, and a destination.  I chose to go – and it was the best thing I could have done.
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